I was having one of those days. You know the type: back-to-back high-stakes meetings where you’re frantically trying to get your ducks in a row. Everything was on the line—two years of painstaking work on a major gas project. If we didn’t clear this phase gate, my team’s efforts would be lost to a lengthy “re-circling” of the entire process.

To make matters worse, my project manager had taken some unplanned time off, leaving the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was racing downstairs to grab a quick brunch, barely noticing who else was in the elevator.

Then I heard it: “Young man, you must be very far away from home.”

I didn’t look up at first. In a crowded elevator, those words could have been for anyone. But then came a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and my jaw nearly dropped. Standing there was a face I hadn’t seen in years.

Seeing him brought a flood of memories rushing back. Despite it being less than a decade since our last encounter, the impact he had on my life made it feel like a lifetime of history was standing right there. This was the man who had inadvertently almost ended my career—and then turned around and resurrected it.

The Restroom Lesson

A few years prior, back in Nigeria, I was just a “local boy” starting out. At the time, I viewed high-ranking expatriates as minor deities. I literally trembled in their presence.

One afternoon, I found myself in the restroom at the Lekki office when the General Manager of Finance (GM)—my boss’s boss’s boss—walked in. I was fidgeting, terrified.”

“Good afternoon, sir,” I stammered, “using”Mr…..”, calling him by his surname

He smiled and, in his easygoing American accent, told me to drop the formality and just use his first name. I just wanted him to finish washing his hands so I could escape. But, in that “innocent” interaction, he had planted a seed in me that was to germinate as trouble later on.

The Email That Changed Everything

A few weeks later, the GM emailed me directly asking for technical cost clarifications. My direct manager gave me the green light to reply.

I faced a massive cultural dilemma. Do I address it formally to both of them? Or do I listen to the big boss? In a moment of misplaced boldness, I decided to be “modern.” I sent the email addressed to both of them by their first names.

I don’t think the “Send” button had even popped back up before my direct manager summoned me. I received the most legendary tongue-lashing of my life. It was a “resetting” I’ll never forget. From that day on, my emails addressed the GM by his first name (as he requested) and my direct manager with the utmost formal respect. I learned to give to Caesar what was Caesar’s.

Ironically, it was that same GM, working with my manager, who later nominated me for the foreign assignment that allowed my career to blossom. It was on one of those assignments, subsequent to the first , that we now met in the elevator.

Why Culture Matters: The Maya Angelou Perspective

As we rode the elevator down in Houston, exchanging pleasantries as peers, I thought about how much that lesson shaped me. Today’s corporate world is increasingly casual, and while calling everyone by their first name is the “norm,” true emotional intelligence requires understanding the nuance of culture and respect.

My manager’s reaction that day reminded me of the famous moment when the legendary Maya Angelou corrected a young woman for addressing her by her first name. Dr. Angelou wasn’t being “difficult”; she was teaching a lesson on the importance of maintaining a level of respect that transcends modern “casualness.” You can see that powerful exchange here.

I made sure to pass this on to my children. Years later, we hosted both a high-ranking Nigerian diplomat and my American supervisor at our home. My then 8-year-old son handled it perfectly:

  • He reached out his hand for a firm, handshake with my American Project Manager.
  • Then, he prostrated flat on the ground to greet the Ambassador in accordance with our traditions.

As a father, I couldn’t have been prouder.

The Takeaway:

Working across cultures presents challenges, but they aren’t insurmountable if you have an open mind. Success isn’t just about the technical work; it’s about respecting the traditions and hierarchies that ground us, even while we navigate a modern, global world.

Sometimes, the most important lessons aren’t learned in a classroom—they’re learned in an office restroom or a chance encounter in an elevator.