Category: Plays

A Collection of short plays by me

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Tales By Moonlight – 3 Short Stories

Story 3: YEAA - Release Barrabas but kill Jesus

In the first tale, I told you about the gap-toothed throne usurper and in the second one, I reminded you about the new monarchy in Arokostan. What we haven’t talked about was how the monarchy was restored.

Well, our Maradona was a good dribbler, a master of a “little to the left and a little to the right” tactic. He got many fooled on restoring the monarchy but an election was finally held. One Arokostan,from the southern wards, was on the clear path of becoming the King.

In the East was a notable arms dealer of great repute. Behaving like a thief in the night, while Arokostans were deep asleep, our man, under the aegis of ABN, approached the courts and got an injunction to stop the elections.

Well, let’s just say that this singular act put in disarray the whole village and set in motion a chain of events that changed Arokostan for good. Immediately this brought into the monarchy another khaki wearing dark goggled usurper who ruled with fierce iron hands and placed the rightful heir to the throne in jail along with many others.

But, our man Friday from the East turned out to only be a forerunner, another was to come, mightier and more deadly. His name is DK.

Have we forgotten him so soon? Haba, we can’t afford that. He was the young Arokostan that started the YEAA movement, yes YEAA.

Just in case you still don’t remember him, I will refresh your memory. While the rightful heir to the throne remained imprisoned, the YEAA campaign, led by DK, placed billboards around Arokostan and was on all media channels proclaiming there was no one good enough to rule Arokostan. They were good, very good. Even Caiaphas, in whipping the crowd to frenzy, chanting “release Barrabas and kill Jesus” would have learnt one or two things from DK and be envious.

Proselyticing anyone and everyone, they called the usurper God on earth. It seemed that was where they made their biggest mistake as they got the one that beyond the clouds angry and jealous. He sent the Angels of death in the shape of two Indian beauties who gave the dark goggled general the Apple and he died.

DK eloped from the land as Arokostans became jubilant. The streets were up in celebration shouting “Free at last, free at last, thank God, we are free at last”.

Our story teller looked into the crystal ball but what he saw caused him to weep. Weeping not because of what has happened but what was to come. He was yet to wipe up his tears when poisoned tea was served to the rightful heir in his prison cells and he died.

Some said it was to balance the polity. It was this act of wickedness that caused a voice to be heard from the heavens, saying “O Arokostan, Arokostan, thou that killest your wise men, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.”

It was like the day of the Lord had come. The Ifa worshippers, Sango, Oya, Obatala were all out making sacrifices to him that sit beyond the clouds. The Moslems were shouting “Allahu akbar” and the Christians were not left behind. Gathered on different mountain tops, they proclaimed a season of prayers and fasting. Somehow, they all missed understanding that to do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Regretfully, till today, Arokostans keep increasing the number of worship centres but have failed to be righteous and just in their dealings.

While the blood of the martyrs cry from the land, DK is back, making speeches and being celebrated. Even Maradona, now on his wheel chair, lectures Arokostan on democracy and they listen. It’s as if the whole village has been bewitched.

by ‘Bimbo Bakare, the story teller.

[This concludes the 3 short stories]
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Tales by moonlight: 3 short stories

Story 2: Let there be light

No where were the words found in the Book of Prophet Bob Marley 2: 1 that “You can fool some people sometimes but you can’t fool all the people all the time” true as it was in Arokostan.

They got fed up with Maradona and all his tomfoolery and made the village too hot for him and his gang of throne usurpers.

Through some reversed logic thinking, they felt that an incarcerated felon was the one most suited to lead them out of the doldrums, and, without much ado they brought the man out, changed his prison garments and robed him in royal apparel.

All the while this man was shouting “Opę oo”, some greyhaired elders convinced the youths that it was the new dawn for Arokostan. Afterall, who else was better suited to turn the fortune of the village around than someone who had just been graciously given a second life?

Looking frail, the years of imprisonment have caused the tribal marks on the face of the new king to become very pronounced. He never believed that he, of all men, could suffer the fate of imprisonment.

Being one person that didn’t agree with God that vengeance should be left to him alone, he quickly incarcerated everyone that he considered complicit in his imprisonment.

Though Arokostanians were asking for dividends of democracy, Baba Iyabo, as some preferred to call him, would have nothing of the idea that vengeance doesn’t create democracy dividends.

With electricity having become epileptic following years of kleptocratic governance, the cacophony of voices grew louder and Baba Iyabo decided to do something about it. He remembered his old nemesis from Esa Oke ward.

In Esa Oke was a man, who, in his younger days, had shown great brilliance in managing his ward in the village. He was a great orator of some sort that they call him the Cicero. Oh yes, in Arokostan of those days, Uncle B wore that garment, tightly fitting and deserving.

Critical of Baba Iyabo, the Cicero had often times smoothly talked of how he could solve the power problems of Arokostan. Baba Iyabo knew better but saw an opportunity to put his old foe to silence. The only problem was that the Cicero belongs to the camp of the Ajibuoba but not the Ajirobas.

In the winner takes all politics at play in Arokostan, it had never happened for a member of the opposition to be appointed to a chieftaincy position. Baba Iyabo lobbied his chiefs with “Ghana Must Go” bags and they eventually agree to have the Cicero appointed as the Chief for Power affairs.

The Cicero was jubilant and eagerly announced to the people “Power failure will be a thing of the past within six months.” Perhaps, he should have contained his excitement, afterall this was Arokostan where anything that could go wrong would go wrong.

Resuming at his new office, Cicero shared his enthusiasm with his Permanent Secretary (PS). To his dismay, his team didn’t share the same enthusiasm. The first salvo came from the PS “what would happen to the millions of generating sets in Arokostan?” The Cicero was flabbergasted, how could a civil servant paid from public tax revenue think this way?

Then it was the turn of one of his Engineers wanting to know why he was bent on upgrading Kainji, when he should be concerned more with stopping the unjust exportation of Electricity from the North to the South. The workers unions were not left behind. They were least concerned about the product, choosing to ignore the direct linkage between their efficiency and well-being. From Shiroro to Egbin, it was all strikes and cries about increasing our pay while the megawatts being generated was abysmal.

In six months, our Cicero was unable to get anything done. He cried to Baba Iyabo, for old times sake, save my face. Baba Iyabo had been expecting this, he was only surprised that it took Uncle B that long to realise that talk was cheap. Bola, don’t worry, I already have a soft landing for you. Şebi, you are a lawyer, I will announce you as our Attorney General and get a “barrel that doesn’t make noise” to step in your shoes.

Just close to a year anniversary of the Cicero becoming the AG, he was killed in his house. Some said that the enemies he made while managing Arokostan Electricity were behind his gruesome killing. Others have said the fingers point at Baba Iyabo because he still had unforgiveness in his heart.

What is certain is that, despite being the highest ranked keeper of justice, his murderers are yet to be found.

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Moses’ Dilemma

Three Short Stories – Story 1

Leadership is difficult. It is made more difficult in a society if success is measured by riches and not many are concerned as to how such riches are acquired

Some moons ago, a gap-toothed man seized power in Arokostan, crowning himself king.

The people, of course, cried out against his tyranny. Among them, the voice of the khaki-clad school headmaster boomed the loudest. A fearless man, he led protests and lectured on what Arokostan should be, could be, but was not – unfazed by the king’s gun-wielding minions.

The headmaster was highly respected. After all, he had established a top-notch school, proving what good leadership could achieve in their community.

Despite being touted as the happiest nation; daily survival was a struggle for Arokostanians. Life was not a walk in the park. The gap-toothed king, a cunning leader, navigated Arokostan through economic, social, and political turmoil. He earned various nicknames. Some called him Arokostan’s Maradona, his political astuteness likened to the Argentine footballer’s dribbling skills, albeit with a touch of the “Hand of God.” While nobody saw him as a saviour, his undeniable intelligence earned him the moniker “evil genius” from some.

Maradona, tired of the headmaster’s constant wailing, spent sleepless nights plotting how to silence his nemesis while simultaneously winning over the people. The idea struck him like a sudden burst of light – a brilliant one. At dawn, he summoned his chiefs to a council meeting, sharing his plan. Of course, they were not as gifted as him in such matters so all they could say was that it would not end in praise. He was baffled – couldn’t they see his genius?

Maradona then sent out the town crier to announce the establishment of a “People’s Bank” offering soft loans to pursue various endeavours, with the esteemed village headmaster as chairman to ensure responsible management. The people rejoiced, expecting a new dawn. The headmaster, convinced it was a good thing for Arokostan, diligently took charge, determined to enact positive change.

Everyone seemed happy – Maradona with his gap-toothed grin, the headmaster and his ilk, and the people themselves. According to surrounding villages, Arokostanians were brash, self-centred, lawless, corrupt, and immoral. The king was not nicknamed Maradona for nothing; he was aware of this, something hidden from the headmaster who was consumed by his nationalistic fervour to improve Arokostan at all costs. Maradona anticipated the inevitable collapse and bided his time.

Arokostan had everything to be great – wonderful people and abundant natural resources, the envy of other villages. Despite this, Arokostanians were treated with disdain. Surrounding villages stopped trading with them and imposed excruciating permit processes for any visiting Arokostanian.

Well, a few moons later, the headmaster learned the harsh truth Maradona had known all along: Arokostanians were not ready for good leaders, perhaps didn’t even want them. Their actions spoke volumes different from their words. They only complained when things were not in their favour.

So, what happened? While the headmaster tirelessly strived to ensure a “better life” for the people, granting loans for what he saw as worthwhile opportunities, corruption festered under his leadership. When the scandal broke, he was in disbelief. How could this have happened? The very people he made policy decisions with were presenting fictitious projects to secure loan funding. Dejected, he approached Maradona, requesting prosecution for those involved.

Maradona, with a satisfied grin, placed a hand on the headmaster’s shoulder. “Sir, you’ve got the Moses problem. Remember him? While he was busy on Mount Sinai working with God, his people were busy making idols! While you focused on the bank’s vision, your people siphoned off the money.”

“So, sir,” the evil genius continued, “if you can’t manage a small thing like the People’s Bank, how can you handle Arokostan?” And uncle, he added, hammering home his point, “you’ve smeared my name because of my team’s corruption. It would only be fair if I blamed you too. But I will not, because I know who Arokostanians are. Why don’t you just go home and let me clean up this mess?”

Feeling humiliated, the headmaster went home, a broken man. How could this have happened to him? He was an honourable man and saw no justification to take part in any other protest against Maradona. The weight of it all likely contributed to his death a few years later.

His epitaph, self-written, reads: “Here lies Tai Solarin, who lived and died for humanity.”

by ‘Bimbo Bakare, the storyteller.

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Spreading

This is still a work in progress and the details are being fine-tuned each day. All names in this write up are fictitious. All rights to this work is reserved. For concerns please email me at bimbo@bimbobakare.com. With the comedy that #dasukigate has become by the day, the revelations are providing more information that would be enriching to this work. The work, which started as an element of fiction giving some hindsight to how corruption destroys a nation, has now become visionary.

People say corruption is rife in Najaria, the international media have done a lot of expose on the country but not much has changed. Some say that Najaria has the happiest people on earth and this makes the situation much more baffling to the international community. The Conundrum that challenges even the casual observer is how people can be this happy when everywhere the cankerworm of corruption spreads undisturbed? They say the corruption has permeated the churches, the mosques and even the traditional worship places.

Often times, it’s a great burden that Najarians outside the country carry – trying to show that all is well with the country despite what others are saying. Yet, the actions of many Najarians continue to put a dent on the image of the country. A well-meaning Minister was so perplexed with this issue that she felt that what was needed was to rebrand the nation. She was ingenious and came up with a branding “Najaria – Great Nation, Good People”. Whatever it was, it did not take time for the brand to die… Unsung. The Minister also followed suit, as some say, out of helplessness.

It is this same Najaria that these series of events you are about to read happened and it all started with the annual budget. The current administration is in its third year and the President has told his ministers that this year’s budget must be placed before the houses of parliament timely. They already know what to do and what is expected of them.

The Honourable Minister for Police Affairs, Mr Jenbeteru, on leaving the Federal Executive Council meeting had called his team and requested that they put together the budget package for the ministry. Every unit was consulted and the top hierarchy of the Police Affairs Ministry came up with a budget figure of N50billion which, apart from the recurrent salary, included provision for Speed Monitoring and Alcohol Testing (Breathalysers) Equipment meant to reduce the carnage on the roads. After extensive deliberations with his team, based on previous years’ experiences, the Minister for Police Affairs requested that the figure be increased to N70billion, the extra N20billion to take care of budget cuts that may follow the meeting of the Federal Executive Council. This directive did not go down well with Muktar. In his opinion, this smacks of fraud and a lack of integrity. He approached his boss, the Senior Special Assistant to the Minister on Budget Matters. He was counselled that if he doesn’t want to end up out of the street, like many of his classmates, he should go ahead and make up the budget to the N70billion as requested by the Minister.

Muktar is a recent graduate of one of the nation’s top institutions. While in the university, he was a staunch leader of the Student Union. Fiery, fearless and full of youthful vigour for a different Najaria. He was dejected, having just secured this employment six months ago, he was confused on what he should do. At home that evening, he looked at the poverty that surrounds him. Out of his five siblings, he is the only one with a decent job. His father died almost four years ago and since then the mother has been making out a living for the family by selling food items in front of their two room rented apartment. He considered the consequence of his losing his job and how this can wreck his mum and it became obvious to him that the deplorable condition of his family has already made the decision for him – he would do whatever it is that the minister requests. The poverty of his family has made him to lose his voice.

Jenbeteru has been the Minister for Police Affairs for the past three (3) years, he knows how things work in the country and he needs a buffer to take care of all the greedy shylocks that he would need to get their buy in before the allotment to his ministry is made. Muktar re-submitted the Budget package to him for N70billion and he approved that same should be passed to the Budget and Planning Department for consolidation with those coming from the other Ministries.

With the budget passed onwards, Jenbeteru felt a sigh of relief, at least for the time being. He has been a product of the establishment. As he sipped the cold beer placed before him at the Staff Club, he thought of how far he had gone. He surely believed he has paid his dues. Upon graduation from the premier university in the late sixties, he had joined the service of the colonial government working in the Customs and Exercise Department. He grew through the ranks and after twenty five years of service, he retired. He had become extra ordinarily rich and used the wealth he has amassed, as well as the networks he had developed, to contest elections as a governor. He won and held on to the post for eight years. Following this, he became a Senator in the House of Assembly and served out two terms. It was subsequent to this that he was offered the Ministerial position that he currently holds. Jenbeteru never considers himself as one of them, the greedy, corrupt and insatiable crop of leaders that are ruining the country. He is different. He attends the Lighthouse Saints Church and never misses the Sunday service. His Pastors consider him an ardent believer. Given that he pays his tithes regularly he was made the chairman of the elders’ council. His tithes is substantial and it goes a long way to offset the running expenses of the church which is majorly the salaries of the Pastors and their expenses. The Pastors know the importance of keeping Jenbeteru happy, they can’t afford to have him leave the church.

The Director General of the Budget Office, Mr. Orovu,  has requested that all budget submissions from the ministries be brought directly to his desk, he just couldn’t trust his deputies to exert due diligence. On receipt of the budget submission from the Police Affairs Ministry, he knew there was something wrong, he expected it and even if there was none, he was ready to create one.  The DG noted that the N70billion being requested is a significant variance from the N35billion appropriated to the Police Affairs Ministry the previous year. He directed that the budget be rejected and the Police should rework its numbers to not more than N40billion. When this feedback got to Mr. Jenbeteru, he wasn’t surprised. Actually, he was expecting same. He knew what to do. It’s similar to what happened the previous year. He placed a call to Orovu and requested that they meet at the Club that evening. At the club, the issue was discussed and Mr. Orovu will allow the Police budget figure of N65billion to sail through if $250,000 gets paid to him for his support. The deal was struck, $250,000.00 in cash was passed to Mr. Orovu the next day and following this the Police reworked its numbers to N65billion and resubmitted to the Budget and Planning Department. The Director General has gotten his cut – $250,000 but not yet the common man. Mukhtar, you remember him, was given an expenditure slip of $300,000 to pass into the journals, the description was “Costs for deploying anti-riot troops”

A couple of weeks later, the Federal Executive Council was conveyed to review the Budget Proposal. The Finance Minister made her presentation on pegging the budget to a Crude oil price of $60 per barrel and as such, given the expected revenue, the entire Federal Budget needed to be reduced. Anything short of this will lead to a budget deficit and needs to be funded through loans from the World Bank or other Creditor nations and thereby increasing the nation’s debt. The President grinned, this sure makes sense and if the nation takes more loans, there would be more contracts to award to his cronies and a lot more coming back to him in one form of gratification or another. While we would do the ultimate best to operate within our revenue, he responded to the Finance Minister’s presentation, we cannot afford to reduce economic activities in the nation as well as delay the massive investments needed to upgrade our infrastructure for the benefit of the common man. The Finance Minister understood, she knows that she would be the one to negotiate the terms of any loans to be taken and, of course, her pockets would be lined as well. The Budget was ratified as it is and sent to the National Assembly for appropriation.

On getting the Appropriation Bill, the Senate President forwarded this to the committees to review and one could see the joys and glimmers on the faces of the Senators, especially the Chairmen of the Senate Committees. It was similar to what you would find in a colony of rat that has suddenly discovered a massive supply of cheese! The Chairman of the Senate Committee on Police Affairs, Senator Musiliu asked his office to send a letter to the Minister for Police Affairs informing of the date and venue for the defence of the Police Budget. At the same time, he conveyed a meeting with the other five (5) members of his committee to set out the expectations and modalities for conducting the budget defence. The whole meeting lasted only twenty (20) minutes and all that was discussed was the percentage of the Police Budget that must be paid to them before they would endorse the budget. This year, they agreed they would have to take N1b, this was twice what they took the previous year. Their justification? The Police budget has also increased by 100%.

On getting the Budget Defence Invitation Letter, Mr. Jenbeteru knew exactly what he had to do. He called Senator Musiliu’s Secretary to book a late evening appointment with the Senator. They agreed to meet at “The Watering Hole”. Over a bowl of hot pepper soup, Jenbeteru asked Musiliu what it would take for the Committee to approve the N65billion. Without blinking an eye lid, Senator Musiliu said N1.2billion! The negotiation has started and eventually a compromised figure of N800million was reached but that would be for N58billion. Of course, the Senate needs to be shown that the Senate Committee on Police Affairs did its work and shaved off a significant reduction in the Budget Proposal, as submitted by the Police Affairs Ministry. They shook hands and agreement was reached on how the funds would be transferred to Musiliu, it was to be a discrete payment to Arambe Nigeria Limited.

The next day, Musiliu called another meeting of the Senate Committee on Police Affairs. This was a longer meeting, it took thirty (30) minutes because of the bickering and disagreement on the N600million that Musiliu has informed that would be gotten from the Police Affairs Minister. Also a bigger deliberation took place on how the N600million would be shared amongst the six (6) ranking Senators and how much would need to be sent to the Senate President as well. Eventually an agreement was reached and the date for the defence of the budget re-affirmed.

The Police Affairs Minister and his team of top ranking Police Men showed up at the venue of the defence, it took a while for the various committee members to arrive. After a delay of almost an hour, the budget defence process started. The Minister for police Affairs went into a long speech talking about the various social vices and crimes plaguing the nation, the list of equipment and their costs that the Police needs to have to combat this as well as the desired police to population ration that he planned to have so as to have an effective police team. He talked of the huge Salary Bill that constitute over 80% of his recurrent expenditure as well as the need to replace the armoury of the police which is made up of antiquated equipment. After patiently listening to Jenbeteru, Musiliu responded noting the severe weakness in the nation’s revenue and the need to curtail spending to the barest minimum necessary to keep crime at abeyance. He questioned a few of the projects that the honourable minister has mentioned and requested that such projects as the rehabilitation of the various Police Barracks be deferred till next year when the revenue may probably become better. He and his team agreed to recommend N55billion to the Senate and the meeting came to an end. Assistant Superintendent of Police (ASP) Baguda was bewildered. How can they shelve so much off the budget and request deferment of such an important project that should help to motivate the men of his force to combat crime? He voiced out his concerns to his Minister, Jenbeteru. Jenbeteru, shrugged his shoulders and could say nothing.

A Senate session was eventually conveyed to review the various recommendations of the committees regarding the Appropriation Bill. Senator Namoda, who is not a member of any of the Senate Committees, picked up the Police Affairs component as a concern. He noted the significant variance between the N35billion that was appropriated the previous year and the N58billion that has now been recommended by the committee for Appropriation this year. It was the Senate President that responded to Senator Namoda and mentioned that this has been thoroughly reviewed and the N58billion was the reasonable budget that needs to be appropriated to the Police Affairs Ministry. Unknown to Namoda, Musiliu had met with Senator Iyanya, the Senate President, and the previous night and delivered to him his share of the N600million paid to Arambe Nigeria Limited. Oh, by the way, Musiliu is keeping for himself the N200million on top of the N600million as well. Now the Senators who are members of the Senate Committees have benefitted and so also has the Senate President. They are altogether N800million richer but not the common man.

The Federal Budget was finally appropriated and the Appropriation sent to the President. The President minuted this to the Finance Minister to make the funds available to the ministers and departments. This was in January, the passage of the current year’s budget had been one of the fastest in recent times. Her Excellency, Mrs Jeunsoke, the Finance Minister knows that it was now time for her share. No funds should be released to any ministry or parastatals except she approves same. Unlike a few Ministers who are not yet adapt at the game, Jenbeteru knew he had to reach out to the Finance Minister on time so that his Ministry’s appropriation could be released. H knew the Finance Minister’s house and made a visit a week after the Appropriation was received in her office. The discussion was very cordial and Jenbeteru mentioned to the Minister that Arambe Nigeria limited just informed him that N50million has been passed to the account of the Minister’s younger brother. She knew what the money was for and though she would have loved to protest and ask for more, she could really make do with the N50million right now. She thanked Jenbeteru and mentioned that the Police Affairs funds will be released in the next three (3) days.

Ngozi, a Senior Executive with Ziana Bank, has her contacts within the Finance Ministry. She showers everyone in the Minister’s office with gifts regularly. Of course, every fund movement in that Ministry gets reported to her. She knew exactly when the Police Affairs funds would be released to Jenbeteru. It was time to meet Jenbeteru, again. His number was on her speed dial and in the softest of bedroom voice, she said Hello sweetie.  Jenbeteru understood and they agreed to meet at the great “WhoreHouse” to finalise the discussions. The great whorehouse is not in the city, it is located in the Kalamunri Mountain Ranges, a nice spot for a weekend getaway. Ngozi booked the flights and made the hotel reservations. She looked into her wardrobe for the most sensuous of clothes. She was not lacking in these. She settled on the most revealing and scanty of them all as well as the latest G String and bikini. She’s got to have this account and have it for keeps. Last year, she got the account but lost it to another top sassy with JeeTee Bank. She’s not going to allow this to happen again. No, not this year.

By the time she arrived at the Great Whorehouse, Jenbeteru has already settled in. He understood what is at stake and he knew the escapade that this week ends bring. These ladies would do anything to win the account of the Ministry. The pleasantries over and the cuddling and smooching led to the inner room and your guess is as good as mine. Less than an hour later, at the pool side, it was time to discuss the details of the offer. Ziana Bank is ready to pay the Police affairs Ministry 4% p.a for its deposit, an extra off the books 2% will be paid to Jenbeteru for the period the Ministry’s Money is placed with Ziana. Jenbeteru considered the 2% as ludicrous, JeeTee Bank has offered 2.5% p.a and Ziana should match this. Ngozi asked Jenbeteru for 5 mins for her to call her bosses. She placed a call to her Director, it was to agree that the extra 0.5% Jenbeteru is asking for would not reduce Ngozi’s Finder’s Fee of 3%. The agreement was reached and Ngozi relayed to Jenbeteru that Ziana would match the 2.5%. Of course, everyone is happy. Ngozi has been able to attract this N58billion at a total cost to the bank of 9.5%, well below the market rate of 14%. The bank is making a spread of 4.5% upfront and will further make a spread of another 10% when it lends this money to the manufacturers that need loans to produce. Oh, Jenbeteru, he is making a cool 2.5% on the N58billion with the cherry on top being the ongoing escapade with Ngozi! Nothing for the common man.

Jenbeteru was a wasted man when he got to work on Monday. He mentioned to his team that the N58billion has been appropriated but that there are commitments already made out of the money that needs to be settled. Jenbeteru requested the Finance Director in the ministry to transfer the N58billion to Ziana Bank and receive a Certificate of Deposit for this at 4%. The Finance Director knew it was time for his share as well. He knew Ngozi would call and he already knew what he would ask for – a business class ticket to Paris for himself and his wife. This wasn’t an issue to Ngozi, the request was met and the money was moved to Ziana. With the deposit safely in the account of the bank, Ngozi walked tall, she always did. It was straight to the Director for the Public Sector Accounts. Her delayed promotion as a result of losing the account to JeeTee Bank the previous year needs to be discussed and effected. It was a short meeting, she is now to be the Assistant Director for the Region for the Bank. She also got deposited into her account the finder’s fee of 3%. For N145million, her efforts were well rewarded and greatly offset the costs she had expended in getting the account.

The Store Manager had earlier on, at the end of last year reported being out of stock of many of the tools that the Police Department routinely uses. The breathalysers, needed to be ordered immediately as they have a long delivery time. The Order Request was made and got to the table of the Minister, just like so many others. The Public Procurement Act necessitates that all such purchases need to be publicly bided. So he had caused to be published in the national dailies an invitation to bid for these items. About 980 bids were received and based on the guidelines previously established, these were reduced down to only 12 competent contractors that can deliver the orders. Well the information was out and the 12 bidders were asked to submit their commercial bids, anyone of them could get the job done based on the technical. It’s now a matter of price, or so it seems.

Kotangawa Limited understands the tricks of the trade very well. It’s not what is in the commercial that wins the bid. It’s more about what is not in it. Alhaji Zungeru is well connected. He dines with the “who is who” in the nation. He belongs to all and yet he belongs to no one, except what serves his pockets.  He brought out his custom made golden iPhone, a gift that he got from the President. He scrolled through his frequent contact list and soon came up with the phone number of Jenbeteru and an agreement was reached to meet at the club later in the evening.

At the club, he placed his unique proposition before Jenbeteru. Kontangowa is bidding for the supply of these equipment for N1.5billion. It surely is not the least cost bid but it is a juicy one. If awarded the contract, Alhaji Zungeru would get N100million to Jenbeteru as well as deliver within two (2) months. Jenbeteru mentioned that the Ministry was not driven by time but requested Zungeru to consider making the payment N200million. Zungeru agreed and they shook hands.

Early the next morning, it was the Director of Finance that came to Jenbeteru’s office. He mentioned that there was no money in their bank account to pay the Salaries of the policemen. Jenbeteru mentioned that the placed deposit with Ziana Bank would not mature until another two (2) weeks and he isn’t pretty supportive of terminating this. What then should happen to the payroll of the Police Officers, the Director of Finance asked? Jenbeteru asked him to go and solve that riddle. The Director took his exit. It was late in the afternoon when Jenbeteru mentioned that the ongoing contract bid should be awarded to Kotangowa Limited. The other committee members were not comfortable with this decision and sought to know why? He talked more about the experience of Kotangowa as well as the delivery lead time that the company has promised. These were better than those of the other contractor but there is a hefty premium for this, Kotangowa has quoted a price that was 25% more than the lowest bidder. The committee members were not convinced and a few that were vocal in the team requested that the contract be awarded to the lowest bidder. It was then that Jenbeteru introduced his Joker, there is at stake a modest fee of N20mm for each of the six (6) committee members if the contract is awarded to Kontangowa.  There was initially silence in the room and then discord. Four (4) of the committee members are now in support of the award with two (2) still dissenting. The meeting was adjourned, further engagement was to be made with the members of the committee to reach a consensus. At a discrete location in the city, later that evening, Jenbeteru met with each of the discordant members and an agreement was reached, N25million was a more likely sum to sway them to support the decision. The N150mm was paid to the committee members and Jenbeteru keeps the balance of N50million and the contract was awarded to Kontangowa Limited. Everyone was happy and got a slice of the cake but not yet the common man. Maybe something is in the offing for him.

Kotagowa had promised to supply, amongst other things the breathalysers. The bid was that these would be sourced from the approved manufacturer in UK and same would be shipped to Nigeria and delivered to the central stores within two (2) months. Kontangowa knew this was not going to happen, the breathalysers from the UK are simply too expensive for Alhaji Zungeru to make a decent profit. He reached out to his contacts in China and samples of the UK made breathalysers were sent to the factory in China. Zhoungjin responded to Zungeru with three (3) quotes – a quote each for the high, medium and low grades with varying prices and warranties. Of course, the final products will all look alike, exactly like the UK manufactured breathalysers. Alhaji Zungeru weighed his options and concluded that having made the hefty payments, there was little to no risks with importing the low quality breathalysers, only upside in profits. He transferred the necessary funds to the Zhoungjin and gave the go ahead to manufacture, the low quality breathalysers. Orders like these are not new to Zhoungjin and in fact the company makes the most profit from such orders as International Standards are thrown aside and the output is whatever it is – both parties to the transaction knows that these breathalysers are not designed for any effective use. Two months later, the breathalysers are ready to ship and Kontangowa Limited made the necessary logistic arrangements to have them delivered to the country. The only problem now is with the Standards Organization with its men at the ports checking and requesting for certificate of quality around manufactured product. This is not a challenge that Alhaji had not previously handled, he has contacts in all the right places.  A call was made to the appropriate quarters, the details of the arriving goods were given and agreements were reached as to what the “fees” to look the other way would be. It was all settled over the phone and Kotangowa made a deposit of N2million to the name of one of the boys. The boys in custom have also gotten their share, it’s only the common man that is yet to get his.

A week to the expiration of the two (2) months commitment, Kotangowa received its goods from the port and same were loaded into the necessary trucks for deliver to the Central Police Stores, managed by ASP Essien. The Lorries showed up and it was Essien boys’ duty to subject the goods to tests of quality to assure they are of the same quality that was ordered. They didn’t have to do these, they knew the quality was not the same. At least, that was what their prior experiences have taught them. ASP Essien’s attention was drawn to the issue and he told the delivery guys that the breathalysers were unacceptable. A call was made to Alhaji Kotangowa who knew he messed up, he was supposed to have called Essien before the goods would reach the stores. He called Essien, apologized for the oversight and an agreement was reached on what the facilitation fee would be to make the breathalysers acceptable to Essien. This would be N5million, Essien has boys and bosses that he needs to settle as well. Essien is a firm believer in Cash being Kinga and requested that payment should be made in a “Ghana must go” bag. It took a while but Alhaji got it done and late that evening, ASP Essien’s boys have to work tirelessly to receive these breathalysers into the store. A Goods Received Note was issued and signed off by Essien, Alhaji Kotangowa can now breathe easy. All he needed to do now was to meet with the Ministry of Police Affairs Finance Director to facilitate the timely payment of the Contract Sum due. He knows what it would take to get this done.

Sergeant Durotola was in charge of the Road Traffic Division and he is a veteran of some twenty something years in the force. He knows his onions well. If not, how could he have maintained being the head of the juicy Road Traffic Post for the past two (2) years? There are so many others within the force that have lobbied and keenly interested in the position. Durotola had succeeded these two years because he has learnt to play smart and to keep the ASP happy. Well if you don’t know what this means, you can’t be really helped much.

The festive season is approaching and he knew that this is his time of the year when his team makes it big. He doesn’t need the breathalysers to test for Alcohol, his nose can sniff the stuff out of anyone. However, the law requires him to provide undeniable proof if he were to successfully prosecute anybody for drunk driving. He sent a Store order Request to the store to provide his team with 100 units of breathalysers. The response he got was shocking, he wouldn’t have 100 but 35, the store does not have an adequate stock of breathalysers to issue to the various Road Traffic Teams scattered across the nation. Of course, the quantity of breathalysers supplied by Kotangowa Limited was supposed to be sufficient for the Police team for a year’s use. Unbeknown to Sergeant Durotola and his likes, ASP Essen’s team had effected a deal with a few local companies and sold the breathalysers to them at prices ridiculously below what is obtainable in the market. These companies are now offering these breathalysers for sale in their shops to institutions that needed to test their employees for Drugs and Alcohol Abuse. The Sergeant agreed to take the 35 units of breathalysers and already made up his mind on what to do and how to effectively use these “ineffective” tools. It took another week but he eventually got the 35 breathalysers. He knew the right spot where to station his team to catch motorists for his tests.  There is a popular night club, not far from Fiktoria Island that is patronized by the rich and the spoilt children in town. It was at a corner not far from here that he chose for his team.

It was around 2am that Ricky decided to leave the club. He’s had a groovy night and with all the drugs and alcohol that was circulated, he was stone dead. He got behind the wheel in his Ferrari, fumbled with the ignition keys and brought the car to life. Somehow, he believed he would make it home, his house was just a few blocks away. As he manoeuvres the corner where Sergeant Durotola’s team is, everyone knew that all was not alright with the driver of the vehicle. Ricky was brought to a stop with the flickering torch lights. Corporal Buba approached the driver’s side and the alcohol stench in Ricky’s breath greeted him as he said “Officers how now?” He was asked for his Driver’s license which he produced with some efforts having searched through his pockets and finally the glove compartment of his car. Buba took a look at the name and the address and straightaway knew that they had caught a big fish. Ricky was asked whether he had been drinking to which he responded “No”. The breathalysers were brought and Ricky blew into it. No indication of Alcohol was found in his breath. Now Corporal Buba was perplexed, this guy smells like a brewery yet the breathalysers says he is not drunk! He approached Sergeant Durotola for advice. If they arrest this guy, he could sue them and get them in trouble especially given that the Alcohol test has indicated negative. They knew whom Ricky is. His full name is Rico Inyanya, the only son of the Senate President. Sergeant Durotola counselled that Buba should let Ricky go. Buba went back to Ricky, handed over the driver’s license to him and asked whether he has anything for the boys. Ricky dipped his hands into his pockets and brought out a wad of note that he handed over carelessly to Buba. Ricky drove off. Buba was busy counting his stash of notes when in the far distance a loud noise was heard. The same was followed by a burst of flames. Buba and Durotola sensed what has happened and quickly called the team together and they disappeared from the check point. They could have moved to the accident scene but nobody needed to know they had mounted this illegal check point that night. Ricky managed to crawl out of the burning car and was in deep pain having broken some bones. He could move no further. Had help arrived timely, he could have escape the inferno that finally gutted the car and the broken down truck that was parked on the road that he ran into.

The papers were with blaring headlines the next day. Tragedy! Senator Iyanya’s son was killed in a freak accident. Nnaemeka had graduated from the University and completed his national service three (3) years ago. He is without a job and not with a slight hope of getting one soon. His favourite past time is to visit the Vendor’s stand in the morning and browse through the newspaper for the day, he could not afford buying them. The headlines caught his attention. He was full of sorrow for the young man that just died an untimely death, he was also sorrowful for his parents. Unknown to him, fate has worked in his favour. Now it’s his turn to have a share and benefit in the national cake.

The Senate President was furious, how could this be? His only son dead in an accident, within a few distance from his house! He ordered a probe into the activities of the Road Transport Unit. How come an articulated trailer was left packing on the road without same being removed or a warning sign placed by it? Some said the cause of the accident was the drunkenness of the driver, others said so many other things. However, we know that corruption had a big part in this death!

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Spreading….A Cankerworm in the nation’s fabric

This is still a work in progress and the details are being fine-tuned each day. All names in this write up are fictitious. All rights to this work is reserved. For concerns please email me at bimbo@bimbobakare.com. With the comedy that #dasukigate has become by the day, the revelations are providing more information that would be enriching to this work. The work, which started as an element of fiction giving some hindsight to how corruption destroys a nation, has now become visionary.

People say corruption is rife in Najaria, the international media have done a lot of expose on the country but not much has changed. Some say that Najaria has the happiest people on earth and this makes the situation much more baffling to the international community. The Conundrum that challenges even the casual observer is how people can be this happy when everywhere the cankerworm of corruption spreads undisturbed? They say the corruption has permeated the churches, the mosques and even the traditional worship places.

Often times, it’s a great burden that Najarians outside the country carry – trying to show that all is well with the country despite what others are saying. Yet, the actions of many Najarians continue to put a dent on the image of the country. A well-meaning Minister was so perplexed with this issue that she felt that what was needed was to rebrand the nation. She was ingenious and came up with a branding “Najaria – Great Nation, Good People”. Whatever it was, it did not take time for the brand to die… Unsung. The Minister also followed suit, as some say, out of helplessness.

It is this same Najaria that these series of events you are about to read happened and it all started with the annual budget. The current administration is in its third year and the President has told his ministers that this year’s budget must be placed before the houses of parliament timely. They already know what to do and what is expected of them.

The Honourable Minister for Police Affairs, Mr Jenbeteru, on leaving the Federal Executive Council meeting had called his team and requested that they put together the budget package for the ministry. Every unit was consulted and the top hierarchy of the Police Affairs Ministry came up with a budget figure of N50billion which, apart from the recurrent salary, included provision for Speed Monitoring and Alcohol Testing (Breathalysers) Equipment meant to reduce the carnage on the roads. After extensive deliberations with his team, based on previous years’ experiences, the Minister for Police Affairs requested that the figure be increased to N70billion, the extra N20billion to take care of budget cuts that may follow the meeting of the Federal Executive Council. This directive did not go down well with Muktar. In his opinion, this smacks of fraud and a lack of integrity. He approached his boss, the Senior Special Assistant to the Minister on Budget Matters. He was counselled that if he doesn’t want to end up out of the street, like many of his classmates, he should go ahead and make up the budget to the N70billion as requested by the Minister.

Muktar is a recent graduate of one of the nation’s top institutions. While in the university, he was a staunch leader of the Student Union. Fiery, fearless and full of youthful vigour for a different Najaria. He was dejected, having just secured this employment six months ago, he was confused on what he should do. At home that evening, he looked at the poverty that surrounds him. Out of his five siblings, he is the only one with a decent job. His father died almost four years ago and since then the mother has been making out a living for the family by selling food items in front of their two room rented apartment. He considered the consequence of his losing his job and how this can wreck his mum and it became obvious to him that the deplorable condition of his family has already made the decision for him – he would do whatever it is that the minister requests. The poverty of his family has made him to lose his voice.

Jenbeteru has been the Minister for Police Affairs for the past three (3) years, he knows how things work in the country and he needs a buffer to take care of all the greedy shylocks that he would need to get their buy in before the allotment to his ministry is made. Muktar re-submitted the Budget package to him for N70billion and he approved that same should be passed to the Budget and Planning Department for consolidation with those coming from the other Ministries.

With the budget passed onwards, Jenbeteru felt a sigh of relief, at least for the time being. He has been a product of the establishment. As he sipped the cold beer placed before him at the Staff Club, he thought of how far he had gone. He surely believed he has paid his dues. Upon graduation from the premier university in the late sixties, he had joined the service of the colonial government working in the Customs and Exercise Department. He grew through the ranks and after twenty five years of service, he retired. He had become extra ordinarily rich and used the wealth he has amassed, as well as the networks he had developed, to contest elections as a governor. He won and held on to the post for eight years. Following this, he became a Senator in the House of Assembly and served out two terms. It was subsequent to this that he was offered the Ministerial position that he currently holds. Jenbeteru never considers himself as one of them, the greedy, corrupt and insatiable crop of leaders that are ruining the country. He is different. He attends the Lighthouse Saints Church and never misses the Sunday service. His Pastors consider him an ardent believer. Given that he pays his tithes regularly he was made the chairman of the elders’ council. His tithes is substantial and it goes a long way to offset the running expenses of the church which is majorly the salaries of the Pastors and their expenses. The Pastors know the importance of keeping Jenbeteru happy, they can’t afford to have him leave the church.

The Director General of the Budget Office, Mr. Orovu,  has requested that all budget submissions from the ministries be brought directly to his desk, he just couldn’t trust his deputies to exert due diligence. On receipt of the budget submission from the Police Affairs Ministry, he knew there was something wrong, he expected it and even if there was none, he was ready to create one.  The DG noted that the N70billion being requested is a significant variance from the N35billion appropriated to the Police Affairs Ministry the previous year. He directed that the budget be rejected and the Police should rework its numbers to not more than N40billion. When this feedback got to Mr. Jenbeteru, he wasn’t surprised. Actually, he was expecting same. He knew what to do. It’s similar to what happened the previous year. He placed a call to Orovu and requested that they meet at the Club that evening. At the club, the issue was discussed and Mr. Orovu will allow the Police budget figure of N65billion to sail through if $250,000 gets paid to him for his support. The deal was struck, $250,000.00 in cash was passed to Mr. Orovu the next day and following this the Police reworked its numbers to N65billion and resubmitted to the Budget and Planning Department. The Director General has gotten his cut – $250,000 but not yet the common man. Mukhtar, you remember him, was given an expenditure slip of $300,000 to pass into the journals, the description was “Costs for deploying anti-riot troops”

A couple of weeks later, the Federal Executive Council was conveyed to review the Budget Proposal. The Finance Minister made her presentation on pegging the budget to a Crude oil price of $60 per barrel and as such, given the expected revenue, the entire Federal Budget needed to be reduced. Anything short of this will lead to a budget deficit and needs to be funded through loans from the World Bank or other Creditor nations and thereby increasing the nation’s debt. The President grinned, this sure makes sense and if the nation takes more loans, there would be more contracts to award to his cronies and a lot more coming back to him in one form of gratification or another. While we would do the ultimate best to operate within our revenue, he responded to the Finance Minister’s presentation, we cannot afford to reduce economic activities in the nation as well as delay the massive investments needed to upgrade our infrastructure for the benefit of the common man. The Finance Minister understood, she knows that she would be the one to negotiate the terms of any loans to be taken and, of course, her pockets would be lined as well. The Budget was ratified as it is and sent to the National Assembly for appropriation.

On getting the Appropriation Bill, the Senate President forwarded this to the committees to review and one could see the joys and glimmers on the faces of the Senators, especially the Chairmen of the Senate Committees. It was similar to what you would find in a colony of rat that has suddenly discovered a massive supply of cheese! The Chairman of the Senate Committee on Police Affairs, Senator Musiliu asked his office to send a letter to the Minister for Police Affairs informing of the date and venue for the defence of the Police Budget. At the same time, he conveyed a meeting with the other five (5) members of his committee to set out the expectations and modalities for conducting the budget defence. The whole meeting lasted only twenty (20) minutes and all that was discussed was the percentage of the Police Budget that must be paid to them before they would endorse the budget. This year, they agreed they would have to take N1b, this was twice what they took the previous year. Their justification? The Police budget has also increased by 100%.

On getting the Budget Defence Invitation Letter, Mr. Jenbeteru knew exactly what he had to do. He called Senator Musiliu’s Secretary to book a late evening appointment with the Senator. They agreed to meet at “The Watering Hole”. Over a bowl of hot pepper soup, Jenbeteru asked Musiliu what it would take for the Committee to approve the N65billion. Without blinking an eye lid, Senator Musiliu said N1.2billion! The negotiation has started and eventually a compromised figure of N800million was reached but that would be for N58billion. Of course, the Senate needs to be shown that the Senate Committee on Police Affairs did its work and shaved off a significant reduction in the Budget Proposal, as submitted by the Police Affairs Ministry. They shook hands and agreement was reached on how the funds would be transferred to Musiliu, it was to be a discrete payment to Arambe Nigeria Limited.

The next day, Musiliu called another meeting of the Senate Committee on Police Affairs. This was a longer meeting, it took thirty (30) minutes because of the bickering and disagreement on the N600million that Musiliu has informed that would be gotten from the Police Affairs Minister. Also a bigger deliberation took place on how the N600million would be shared amongst the six (6) ranking Senators and how much would need to be sent to the Senate President as well. Eventually an agreement was reached and the date for the defence of the budget re-affirmed.

The Police Affairs Minister and his team of top ranking Police Men showed up at the venue of the defence, it took a while for the various committee members to arrive. After a delay of almost an hour, the budget defence process started. The Minister for police Affairs went into a long speech talking about the various social vices and crimes plaguing the nation, the list of equipment and their costs that the Police needs to have to combat this as well as the desired police to population ration that he planned to have so as to have an effective police team. He talked of the huge Salary Bill that constitute over 80% of his recurrent expenditure as well as the need to replace the armoury of the police which is made up of antiquated equipment. After patiently listening to Jenbeteru, Musiliu responded noting the severe weakness in the nation’s revenue and the need to curtail spending to the barest minimum necessary to keep crime at abeyance. He questioned a few of the projects that the honourable minister has mentioned and requested that such projects as the rehabilitation of the various Police Barracks be deferred till next year when the revenue may probably become better. He and his team agreed to recommend N55billion to the Senate and the meeting came to an end. Assistant Superintendent of Police (ASP) Baguda was bewildered. How can they shelve so much off the budget and request deferment of such an important project that should help to motivate the men of his force to combat crime? He voiced out his concerns to his Minister, Jenbeteru. Jenbeteru, shrugged his shoulders and could say nothing.

A Senate session was eventually conveyed to review the various recommendations of the committees regarding the Appropriation Bill. Senator Namoda, who is not a member of any of the Senate Committees, picked up the Police Affairs component as a concern. He noted the significant variance between the N35billion that was appropriated the previous year and the N58billion that has now been recommended by the committee for Appropriation this year. It was the Senate President that responded to Senator Namoda and mentioned that this has been thoroughly reviewed and the N58billion was the reasonable budget that needs to be appropriated to the Police Affairs Ministry. Unknown to Namoda, Musiliu had met with Senator Iyanya, the Senate President, and the previous night and delivered to him his share of the N600million paid to Arambe Nigeria Limited. Oh, by the way, Musiliu is keeping for himself the N200million on top of the N600million as well. Now the Senators who are members of the Senate Committees have benefitted and so also has the Senate President. They are altogether N800million richer but not the common man.

The Federal Budget was finally appropriated and the Appropriation sent to the President. The President minuted this to the Finance Minister to make the funds available to the ministers and departments. This was in January, the passage of the current year’s budget had been one of the fastest in recent times. Her Excellency, Mrs Jeunsoke, the Finance Minister knows that it was now time for her share. No funds should be released to any ministry or parastatals except she approves same. Unlike a few Ministers who are not yet adapt at the game, Jenbeteru knew he had to reach out to the Finance Minister on time so that his Ministry’s appropriation could be released. H knew the Finance Minister’s house and made a visit a week after the Appropriation was received in her office. The discussion was very cordial and Jenbeteru mentioned to the Minister that Arambe Nigeria limited just informed him that N50million has been passed to the account of the Minister’s younger brother. She knew what the money was for and though she would have loved to protest and ask for more, she could really make do with the N50million right now. She thanked Jenbeteru and mentioned that the Police Affairs funds will be released in the next three (3) days.

Ngozi, a Senior Executive with Ziana Bank, has her contacts within the Finance Ministry. She showers everyone in the Minister’s office with gifts regularly. Of course, every fund movement in that Ministry gets reported to her. She knew exactly when the Police Affairs funds would be released to Jenbeteru. It was time to meet Jenbeteru, again. His number was on her speed dial and in the softest of bedroom voice, she said Hello sweetie.  Jenbeteru understood and they agreed to meet at the great “WhoreHouse” to finalise the discussions. The great whorehouse is not in the city, it is located in the Kalamunri Mountain Ranges, a nice spot for a weekend getaway. Ngozi booked the flights and made the hotel reservations. She looked into her wardrobe for the most sensuous of clothes. She was not lacking in these. She settled on the most revealing and scanty of them all as well as the latest G String and bikini. She’s got to have this account and have it for keeps. Last year, she got the account but lost it to another top sassy with JeeTee Bank. She’s not going to allow this to happen again. No, not this year.

By the time she arrived at the Great Whorehouse, Jenbeteru has already settled in. He understood what is at stake and he knew the escapade that this week ends bring. These ladies would do anything to win the account of the Ministry. The pleasantries over and the cuddling and smooching led to the inner room and your guess is as good as mine. Less than an hour later, at the pool side, it was time to discuss the details of the offer. Ziana Bank is ready to pay the Police affairs Ministry 4% p.a for its deposit, an extra off the books 2% will be paid to Jenbeteru for the period the Ministry’s Money is placed with Ziana. Jenbeteru considered the 2% as ludicrous, JeeTee Bank has offered 2.5% p.a and Ziana should match this. Ngozi asked Jenbeteru for 5 mins for her to call her bosses. She placed a call to her Director, it was to agree that the extra 0.5% Jenbeteru is asking for would not reduce Ngozi’s Finder’s Fee of 3%. The agreement was reached and Ngozi relayed to Jenbeteru that Ziana would match the 2.5%. Of course, everyone is happy. Ngozi has been able to attract this N58billion at a total cost to the bank of 9.5%, well below the market rate of 14%. The bank is making a spread of 4.5% upfront and will further make a spread of another 10% when it lends this money to the manufacturers that need loans to produce. Oh, Jenbeteru, he is making a cool 2.5% on the N58billion with the cherry on top being the ongoing escapade with Ngozi! Nothing for the common man.

Jenbeteru was a wasted man when he got to work on Monday. He mentioned to his team that the N58billion has been appropriated but that there are commitments already made out of the money that needs to be settled. Jenbeteru requested the Finance Director in the ministry to transfer the N58billion to Ziana Bank and receive a Certificate of Deposit for this at 4%. The Finance Director knew it was time for his share as well. He knew Ngozi would call and he already knew what he would ask for – a business class ticket to Paris for himself and his wife. This wasn’t an issue to Ngozi, the request was met and the money was moved to Ziana. With the deposit safely in the account of the bank, Ngozi walked tall, she always did. It was straight to the Director for the Public Sector Accounts. Her delayed promotion as a result of losing the account to JeeTee Bank the previous year needs to be discussed and effected. It was a short meeting, she is now to be the Assistant Director for the Region for the Bank. She also got deposited into her account the finder’s fee of 3%. For N145million, her efforts were well rewarded and greatly offset the costs she had expended in getting the account.

The Store Manager had earlier on, at the end of last year reported being out of stock of many of the tools that the Police Department routinely uses. The breathalysers, needed to be ordered immediately as they have a long delivery time. The Order Request was made and got to the table of the Minister, just like so many others. The Public Procurement Act necessitates that all such purchases need to be publicly bided. So he had caused to be published in the national dailies an invitation to bid for these items. About 980 bids were received and based on the guidelines previously established, these were reduced down to only 12 competent contractors that can deliver the orders. Well the information was out and the 12 bidders were asked to submit their commercial bids, anyone of them could get the job done based on the technical. It’s now a matter of price, or so it seems.

Kotangawa Limited understands the tricks of the trade very well. It’s not what is in the commercial that wins the bid. It’s more about what is not in it. Alhaji Zungeru is well connected. He dines with the “who is who” in the nation. He belongs to all and yet he belongs to no one, except what serves his pockets.  He brought out his custom made golden iPhone, a gift that he got from the President. He scrolled through his frequent contact list and soon came up with the phone number of Jenbeteru and an agreement was reached to meet at the club later in the evening.

At the club, he placed his unique proposition before Jenbeteru. Kontangowa is bidding for the supply of these equipment for N1.5billion. It surely is not the least cost bid but it is a juicy one. If awarded the contract, Alhaji Zungeru would get N100million to Jenbeteru as well as deliver within two (2) months. Jenbeteru mentioned that the Ministry was not driven by time but requested Zungeru to consider making the payment N200million. Zungeru agreed and they shook hands.

Early the next morning, it was the Director of Finance that came to Jenbeteru’s office. He mentioned that there was no money in their bank account to pay the Salaries of the policemen. Jenbeteru mentioned that the placed deposit with Ziana Bank would not mature until another two (2) weeks and he isn’t pretty supportive of terminating this. What then should happen to the payroll of the Police Officers, the Director of Finance asked? Jenbeteru asked him to go and solve that riddle. The Director took his exit. It was late in the afternoon when Jenbeteru mentioned that the ongoing contract bid should be awarded to Kotangowa Limited. The other committee members were not comfortable with this decision and sought to know why? He talked more about the experience of Kotangowa as well as the delivery lead time that the company has promised. These were better than those of the other contractor but there is a hefty premium for this, Kotangowa has quoted a price that was 25% more than the lowest bidder. The committee members were not convinced and a few that were vocal in the team requested that the contract be awarded to the lowest bidder. It was then that Jenbeteru introduced his Joker, there is at stake a modest fee of N20mm for each of the six (6) committee members if the contract is awarded to Kontangowa.  There was initially silence in the room and then discord. Four (4) of the committee members are now in support of the award with two (2) still dissenting. The meeting was adjourned, further engagement was to be made with the members of the committee to reach a consensus. At a discrete location in the city, later that evening, Jenbeteru met with each of the discordant members and an agreement was reached, N25million was a more likely sum to sway them to support the decision. The N150mm was paid to the committee members and Jenbeteru keeps the balance of N50million and the contract was awarded to Kontangowa Limited. Everyone was happy and got a slice of the cake but not yet the common man. Maybe something is in the offing for him.

Kotagowa had promised to supply, amongst other things the breathalysers. The bid was that these would be sourced from the approved manufacturer in UK and same would be shipped to Nigeria and delivered to the central stores within two (2) months. Kontangowa knew this was not going to happen, the breathalysers from the UK are simply too expensive for Alhaji Zungeru to make a decent profit. He reached out to his contacts in China and samples of the UK made breathalysers were sent to the factory in China. Zhoungjin responded to Zungeru with three (3) quotes – a quote each for the high, medium and low grades with varying prices and warranties. Of course, the final products will all look alike, exactly like the UK manufactured breathalysers. Alhaji Zungeru weighed his options and concluded that having made the hefty payments, there was little to no risks with importing the low quality breathalysers, only upside in profits. He transferred the necessary funds to the Zhoungjin and gave the go ahead to manufacture, the low quality breathalysers. Orders like these are not new to Zhoungjin and in fact the company makes the most profit from such orders as International Standards are thrown aside and the output is whatever it is – both parties to the transaction knows that these breathalysers are not designed for any effective use. Two months later, the breathalysers are ready to ship and Kontangowa Limited made the necessary logistic arrangements to have them delivered to the country. The only problem now is with the Standards Organization with its men at the ports checking and requesting for certificate of quality around manufactured product. This is not a challenge that Alhaji had not previously handled, he has contacts in all the right places.  A call was made to the appropriate quarters, the details of the arriving goods were given and agreements were reached as to what the “fees” to look the other way would be. It was all settled over the phone and Kotangowa made a deposit of N2million to the name of one of the boys. The boys in custom have also gotten their share, it’s only the common man that is yet to get his.

A week to the expiration of the two (2) months commitment, Kotangowa received its goods from the port and same were loaded into the necessary trucks for deliver to the Central Police Stores, managed by ASP Essien. The Lorries showed up and it was Essien boys’ duty to subject the goods to tests of quality to assure they are of the same quality that was ordered. They didn’t have to do these, they knew the quality was not the same. At least, that was what their prior experiences have taught them. ASP Essien’s attention was drawn to the issue and he told the delivery guys that the breathalysers were unacceptable. A call was made to Alhaji Kotangowa who knew he messed up, he was supposed to have called Essien before the goods would reach the stores. He called Essien, apologized for the oversight and an agreement was reached on what the facilitation fee would be to make the breathalysers acceptable to Essien. This would be N5million, Essien has boys and bosses that he needs to settle as well. Essien is a firm believer in Cash being Kinga and requested that payment should be made in a “Ghana must go” bag. It took a while but Alhaji got it done and late that evening, ASP Essien’s boys have to work tirelessly to receive these breathalysers into the store. A Goods Received Note was issued and signed off by Essien, Alhaji Kotangowa can now breathe easy. All he needed to do now was to meet with the Ministry of Police Affairs Finance Director to facilitate the timely payment of the Contract Sum due. He knows what it would take to get this done.

Sergeant Durotola was in charge of the Road Traffic Division and he is a veteran of some twenty something years in the force. He knows his onions well. If not, how could he have maintained being the head of the juicy Road Traffic Post for the past two (2) years? There are so many others within the force that have lobbied and keenly interested in the position. Durotola had succeeded these two years because he has learnt to play smart and to keep the ASP happy. Well if you don’t know what this means, you can’t be really helped much.

The festive season is approaching and he knew that this is his time of the year when his team makes it big. He doesn’t need the breathalysers to test for Alcohol, his nose can sniff the stuff out of anyone. However, the law requires him to provide undeniable proof if he were to successfully prosecute anybody for drunk driving. He sent a Store order Request to the store to provide his team with 100 units of breathalysers. The response he got was shocking, he wouldn’t have 100 but 35, the store does not have an adequate stock of breathalysers to issue to the various Road Traffic Teams scattered across the nation. Of course, the quantity of breathalysers supplied by Kotangowa Limited was supposed to be sufficient for the Police team for a year’s use. Unbeknown to Sergeant Durotola and his likes, ASP Essen’s team had effected a deal with a few local companies and sold the breathalysers to them at prices ridiculously below what is obtainable in the market. These companies are now offering these breathalysers for sale in their shops to institutions that needed to test their employees for Drugs and Alcohol Abuse. The Sergeant agreed to take the 35 units of breathalysers and already made up his mind on what to do and how to effectively use these “ineffective” tools. It took another week but he eventually got the 35 breathalysers. He knew the right spot where to station his team to catch motorists for his tests.  There is a popular night club, not far from Fiktoria Island that is patronized by the rich and the spoilt children in town. It was at a corner not far from here that he chose for his team.

It was around 2am that Ricky decided to leave the club. He’s had a groovy night and with all the drugs and alcohol that was circulated, he was stone dead. He got behind the wheel in his Ferrari, fumbled with the ignition keys and brought the car to life. Somehow, he believed he would make it home, his house was just a few blocks away. As he manoeuvres the corner where Sergeant Durotola’s team is, everyone knew that all was not alright with the driver of the vehicle. Ricky was brought to a stop with the flickering torch lights. Corporal Buba approached the driver’s side and the alcohol stench in Ricky’s breath greeted him as he said “Officers how now?” He was asked for his Driver’s license which he produced with some efforts having searched through his pockets and finally the glove compartment of his car. Buba took a look at the name and the address and straightaway knew that they had caught a big fish. Ricky was asked whether he had been drinking to which he responded “No”. The breathalysers were brought and Ricky blew into it. No indication of Alcohol was found in his breath. Now Corporal Buba was perplexed, this guy smells like a brewery yet the breathalysers says he is not drunk! He approached Sergeant Durotola for advice. If they arrest this guy, he could sue them and get them in trouble especially given that the Alcohol test has indicated negative. They knew whom Ricky is. His full name is Rico Inyanya, the only son of the Senate President. Sergeant Durotola counselled that Buba should let Ricky go. Buba went back to Ricky, handed over the driver’s license to him and asked whether he has anything for the boys. Ricky dipped his hands into his pockets and brought out a wad of note that he handed over carelessly to Buba. Ricky drove off. Buba was busy counting his stash of notes when in the far distance a loud noise was heard. The same was followed by a burst of flames. Buba and Durotola sensed what has happened and quickly called the team together and they disappeared from the check point. They could have moved to the accident scene but nobody needed to know they had mounted this illegal check point that night. Ricky managed to crawl out of the burning car and was in deep pain having broken some bones. He could move no further. Had help arrived timely, he could have escape the inferno that finally gutted the car and the broken down truck that was parked on the road that he ran into.

The papers were with blaring headlines the next day. Tragedy! Senator Iyanya’s son was killed in a freak accident. Nnaemeka had graduated from the University and completed his national service three (3) years ago. He is without a job and not with a slight hope of getting one soon. His favourite past time is to visit the Vendor’s stand in the morning and browse through the newspaper for the day, he could not afford buying them. The headlines caught his attention. He was full of sorrow for the young man that just died an untimely death, he was also sorrowful for his parents. Unknown to him, fate has worked in his favour. Now it’s his turn to have a share and benefit in the national cake.

The Senate President was furious, how could this be? His only son dead in an accident, within a few distance from his house! He ordered a probe into the activities of the Road Transport Unit. How come an articulated trailer was left packing on the road without same being removed or a warning sign placed by it? Some said the cause of the accident was the drunkenness of the driver, others said so many other things. However, we know that corruption had a big part in this death!

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Pirates of Penzance – the Regal Theatre Version

Pirates of Penzance

In February this year, my family and I attended the presentation of this play in Lagos, Nigeria.Now in Perth, the play is presented at the Subiaco Regal Theater by the Arts Projects Australia by a cast direct from London.

My family and I were able to attend the last presentation on 27th October and this affords us an opportunity to compare the Lagos and Perth presentation. The story is the same and this has been documented in my previous post. The differences relate to the ambience of the theatre in which both were presented, the costumes as well as the audience appreciation of the work done by the cast. While the Muson Theatre is a newer building, the stage and lighting does not compare favourably with those of the Regal Theatre, despite the Regal Theatre being a much older structure. The organisation and sitting arrangement in the Regal Theatre and YES…the working Air Conditioning system, makes this latter experience more enjoyable. As to the costumes, despite my initial critic, I seem to appreciate the costumes of the cast in the Lagos presentation much more than those of the cast in Perth – the latter’s costumes do not bear much resemblance to those of pirates.

There must be a shortage of ladies in London otherwise I see no reason why the cast for the Perth show has no ladies among them – the roles of the general’s daughters were played by men dressed in ladies dresses but with a very good imitation of the carriage and sounds of our feminine ones.

The Perth Audience was a much lively one as the closing of each scene in the presentation was met with thunderous claps showing how well the audience appreciate the performance. Overall it was a nice presentation that spanned two (2) hours but I believe that the Lagos presentation was a better value for money. By the way, we paid $71.90 (N12,100) per person to watch the Perth’s show compared to the N2,000 per ticket in Lagos. Not much wander why the Theatre in Subiaco is well maintained and the air conditioning will continue to work.

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Pirates of Penzance – a review

Pirates of Penzance

On Sunday, February 26, the Musical Society of Nigeria performed the comic opera, the Pirates of Penzance, by Gilbert and Sullivan.

The story centers around Frederic, a lad who was wrongly apprenticed to the pirates for 21 years by his maid, Ruth, having thought that his father requested she did so. Frederic’s father had requested that he be apprenticed to the Pilots and not Pirates. On completion of his 21 years of apprenticeship he abandoned Ruth for the very fair and beautiful Mabel, the daughter of Major-General Stanley, and the two young people fell instantly in love. I was full of pity for the 47 year old Ruth (with all her attempts to convince Frederic that she was just 42) whose beauty cannot compete with that of Mabel or any of the other 9 daughters of the General. Faced with the same decision, I would do the same thing that Frederick did, go for the beautiful Mabel. Who wouldn’t?

Frederic finds out,later and much to his distaste, that having been born on 29 February, technically, he only has a birthday each leap year. His apprenticeship indentures state that he remains apprenticed to the pirates until his 21st birthday (and not his 21st year, a most ingenious paradox!) and so he must serve for another 63 years. Bound by his own sense of duty, Frederic’s only solace is that Mabel agrees to wait for him faithfully.

The performance, by MUSON, was generally fair. Given the parlor equipment and the theater they had to work with, they made the best use of these. I do have my reservation with the dressing of the pirates, I am sure the African Pirates on the coast of Somalia and the Gulf of Guinea will protest vehemently that they dress better than this. The rubber rain boots worn by the pirates of penzance were just odd and it wasn’t that we cannot get better boots for pirates in Nigeria. However, the maidens, daughters of the General, were gorgeous in their dressing and general appearance.

The Shell Nigeria Hall of the Muson center was a little bit better than the last time my family visited – this time, the air conditioning worked though not as cool as desired. The decoration of the hall was modest for the event but I still get challenged that there are no curtains on the stage, to separate one Act from another.

Someone had said that within pirates, even there are codes of honor, one naturally find the codes of honor of the Pirates of Penzance amusing. With codes that state –
1. You cannot rob those who are weaker than you and
2. You should not take advantage of orphans
One wonders whether these guys are prepared for the business of piracy or are just Queen Victoria’s jesters on the coast of Cornwall.

The Muson Choir gave a good account of itself and the music director did beautifully well. The sonorous voice of Mabel was just enchanting and kept us all at awe. The policemen, with their colonial era batons just kept us all laughing – these guys were good comic, whether they knew what it takes to police and keep the pirates at bay, was another issue entirely. Their dressing was smart and the thought that kept going through my brain was that the Nigeria Police could actually learn a thing or two from these guys. At the minimum, the art of dressing smartly but could also add the knowledge of how to make a better mockery of itself in its faltering battle with men of the BokoHaram clan. Has anyone thought of the good that carrying batons, instead of guns, will do to our “Olopa” people?

Maybe it was just me, the white pirate really looked odd amongst the gang. Do we really need another white face to put some sign of acceptance to this play? I am sure the guy must have asked himself whether he was with the right crowd.

In totality, kudos to Muson for the opera – the seats were totally sold out. I will rate the entire theater experience 7/10.

Opportunities that I noted include:
1. The theatre could be made more friendly – provision of snacks such as popcorn, ice cream, drinks etc for audience to purchase would have helped, especially when you have children around.
2. Parking is a nightmare in Muson. This has improved with the extra parking space under the bridge but more parking spaces are needed.
3. The Shell Hall needs an upgrade. Sitting on plastic chair, in a theater, is unacceptable in the 21st century.
4. The Muson needs better publicity for its programs. Think of leaving your flyers in the eateries and other places frequently patronised by Lagosians.